I hadn’t been able to write lately. I hadn’t been sleeping well, I wasn’t able to concentrate. I felt like I was trying to get to the surface, but it was dark and mud coated my mouth. I didn’t know how to say what’s been going on in my head. I don’t know how to write about things like this. I first drafted this post a few weeks ago, but things are different now. I originally wrote this to talk about how difficult it’s been to deal with my grandma’s dementia and failing health. After one particularly bad doctor visit, Mom told me, “She hasn’t had an easy life. How…
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Fever Dreaming
It struck fast, when it did. I went to bed after what I assumed was a coughing fit brought on by the temperature changes (it happens sometimes; my asthmatic lungs are fickle) and woke up with chills and body aches. It’s been a rough few weeks around here. We have all been hit hard with the flu. And, in the vein of “when it rains, it pours”, we have been having some family stresses, centered around my grandparents. I want to write about this, but I’m honestly not sure how to start, and I’m not sure it should be written immediately, when things are fresh and painful. So, writing has…
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Do They See You?
It’s no secret that I am a bibliophile, for which my husband has always been supportive, but he isn’t the type to buy books as gifts. That changed this past Christmas. He picked out the book pictured above: it details various Tarot card meanings, and ties those meanings into tips to increase creativity. Mike isn’t a reader. He isn’t into Tarot. He used to draw, but hasn’t done so in years. Yet, he picked out the perfect book for me, because he knows I value those things. In typical me fashion, I teared up, and he, used to my outbursts of emotion, but still concerned, asked me why I was…
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Lost Mirrors, New Seasons
And maybe you want to believe that every person who comes into your life is your soulmate or missing piece or the one who might finally save you. But maybe, they came into your life for something wonderfully human and brief and fragile: to introduce you to an author who writes into your soul or a song that says what you never could. Maybe they will never caress your skin in the dark, because they were sent instead so you could finally tell the secret you’d been keeping inside for years; the one you thought couldn’t be said out loud. Maybe you hold on because your ego has lied to…
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Sequoias
I think, if I could live as long as they do, Maybe life wouldn’t be so mysterious Or maybe I would simply accept the mystery And not question it. Maybe I would be braver With my head in the clouds, If I knew my roots were deep as heartbeats. Maybe I would find myself beautiful With my russet bark, the color of autumn, And my proud, regal bearing. Instead, I walk below them, Fragile against them, my bones and skin glass. The wisdom beneath my fingers, Of things known and unknown, All the nameless years, Stretched up and away from me into the sky. Sara Myriad
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The Introvert’s Winter
This time of year settles into my bones; it makes me lethargic, yet also kicks my brain into a sort of hum. I both ache to see my loved ones, and ache to be by myself. My life’s consisted lately of numerous social functions, family gatherings, and various obligations. I am so grateful that people want to spend time with me, and grateful I am able to do these things. However, I am an introvert, and my internal battery found itself depleted. In truth, I pushed myself too much. My creativity and mood takes the hardest hits when I’m running on empty. I found myself largely unable to write much…
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Things That’ve Made Me Happy Recently, Part 2
It’s been a couple of months since I have made one of these lists. I think my gratefulness comes through in many of my posts, but, well, I just really like making lists sometimes. Antibiotics to help me feel better. I have a kidney infection going on, so I am glad I am able to take something that helps me heal. Going to the local craft fair with my Mom. I knew it was going to be a good day when I walked into a room and immediately saw dinosaurs made for Lego sets. I excitedly yelled, and had a good conversation with the seller about how no one is…
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Emily & Kennedy: 11/02/2019
When Emily approached me about the idea of writing a poem for her upcoming wedding, I admit it, I cried. She has, and continues to be, extremely supportive of my writing, and I realized that I was being given an incredibly gift; the opportunity to use my words to show her how much I loved her and Ken, and how much I wanted them to be happy. In true writer fashion, I had my pen out until the actual ceremony, crossing out words, or inserting or rearranging others. Finally, it was time to read it. Emily informed me at the reception that it made her and her new husband cry…
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Reflections
If you are a lake, (or any deep body of water, really)…. Please be wary of mirrors. You may see the smooth, glassy surfaces of these people and assume that they are like you, underneath. However, in time, you will realize what you thought were unplumbed depths, waiting to be explored lovingly, are nothing but your own emotions being reflected back to you by others who cannot truly understand, only mimic.
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Bulletproof
I hear people say, “Don’t tell people you miss them. Don’t say you love them first. Don’t give them that kind of ammo.” As if people are guns waiting to go off and kill us. I say this: if I miss you, I’m telling you. If I love you, or want you, or you hurt me, or you make me happy, I’m telling you that, too. If you want to use the fact I feel and I’m willing to express my feelings against me, do your damnedest. I’m not going to be ashamed over what’s in my heart. I’m not going to live my life with that kind of fear.…
